


Collateral Damage

by Snow_drop_leaves137



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Related, Cigarettes, F/M, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, One Shot, Reader-Insert, Regret, Season 4 Anime Spoilers, Tragedy, implied reader death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_drop_leaves137/pseuds/Snow_drop_leaves137
Summary: “For freedom,” he had said. “Will you follow me?”The promise of liberation was too sweet to ignore.But if something sounds too good to be true, it’s probably because it is.You should have said no.S4 ANIME WATCHERS BEWARE - MANGA SPOILERS PAST CHAP. 122
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 107
Collections: EREN JAEGER|AOT





	Collateral Damage

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Attack on Titan.

“We’ll leave these goddamn walls one day.”

Laying beside Eren in his bed, you tilt your head upwards, pushing past the friction between the side of your face and his bare chest. You drink in the indignant boy’s disposition as he shares his purpose with you once more. 

You don’t mind the repetition. You always loved seeing how Eren gets when he talks about what lies beyond this cage that’s keeping you from true freedom.

You loved the way his voice drops low, into a near growl that ripples your heart with every word. The way his eyebrows cross together and a light scowl tugs at the edges of his mouth, drawing more tension in his features, that only fuels your attraction towards him. The way his arms tighten around you, ensnaring you with the promise of security. Sweetening the reminder that you’re not alone in this fight. 

You shift the rest of your body to meld into his more closely, mingling your warmth and afterglow, closing any gaps between your skin. 

“Of course we will, Eren,” you say with a light smile tugging the corners of your mouth.

How many countless nights have the two of you stayed up dreaming about these possibilities? You’ve gotten devilishly good at sneaking out of your shared room and into Eren’s single one. An oasis of privacy that you both often take advantage of. Your captain has yet to suspect his star soldier is slipping past him under his own nose to visit the Scout’s tightly protected asset.

You sigh deeply and push yourself into the crevice of Eren’s neck, honestly content with wherever your life with the Scouts takes you. As long as you and him can remain by each other’s sides.

You’ll selfishly chase that high for as long as you can. Hopefully, before a titan eats you. But even more optimistically, you hope it leads you to reclaim Wall Maria and explore all the wonders of the world beyond. 

You have always wanted to see what treasures lay beyond these suffocating walls. Even when your own family aggressively opposed your path, spitting death statistics and pleading to quell your destructive curiosity. Their opposition only fed your fascination, tormenting you with the tantalizing promise of truth. It was your strongest reason for nearly leaping into the Survey Corps’s arms when it was time for you to choose your branch.

Having Eren in the Scouts only made your ache grow more ambitious, so much it almost hurt. Witnessing Eren destroy titans and take back Trost District last year made you dare that your dreams could be truly viable one day. 

He made that happen.

He single-handedly reinvigorated the Scout’s spirits and gave them something more to hope for. Continuing to fight by his side against the traitors in the Scouts and past a monarchy overhaul only bonded you both further. Piece by piece, you’ve made progress in unraveling this puzzle together. 

It was only natural for you to fall for him. 

He captured you with his smile. Enticing you to believe that fighting for humanity is worth every faithful effort, agonizing sacrifice, and devastating loss. They radiate the opportunity to honorably fight towards a society without the threat of titans.

They promise you that you’re so close to that freedom. 

"I'll do anything for it," Eren’s words weave into your mind, breaking you out of your stupor. You hum alongside him in concurrence. 

"What's the point of not giving it our all otherwise," you chime in casually, not recognizing the premonition of his words.

If only you had known.

“Right,” he chuckles, lacing his fingers through your hair, gently massaging your scalp along the way. 

“For freedom?” he asks you rhetorically. 

“For freedom,” you affirm. 

Everything you have fought for with the Scouts has been in pursuit of promised liberation.

Eren abruptly sits up and dislodges your comfortable spot in his previous embrace, rattling a small, surprised gasp from you. Steadying yourself, you lean your body closer towards him, as you’re curious why he made such sudden movements. He looks at you with a sharp seriousness and an unexpected chill in his words. 

“Will you follow me?” 

Ignoring the small hunch of resistance your body is throwing at you, you instead fixate on how incredible the individual before you is. How determined to the core he is of wiping out all titans. How his zeal and energy nearly radiate off his being. How vivid and pure his emeralds shine, trapping you in their pools of intensity. How ardently you regard his titan-shifting abilities and vision.

You lace your fingers through his, fitting into the familiar groves.

“Absolutely.”

You should have said no.

Eren kisses your temple gently, waking the butterflies in your stomach once more to carry blips of euphoria towards the rest of your senses. 

You relish in the warmth, a light smile flitting across your lips, swearing that you would never get tired of this.

Unsatisfied with the moment, you twist your upper body towards Eren and he eyes you expectantly. Fluttering your eyes closed, you push your lips towards his and he graciously dips his head to meet you sooner. You move against his soft lips slowly, wanting to take the time to savor him. Usually, Eren sets a hastier pace, but he leans into your guidance tonight. 

You slide both your hands up his back, rubbing circles with your thumbs as you pull him closer. He winds his strong arms around your frame, eliciting another mewl that he eagerly swallows. He drags his mouth against yours lightly, nipping and biting at your already swollen lips. Opening your mouth, he peeks his tongue in, drawing yours out to tango in a familiar dance. As you moan into him, bliss builds until it overruns your mind. 

Finally you break away to press your forehead against his.

Sending silent messages of trust and dedication to him with your touch. 

You would have done anything for Eren.

And he knew it.

* * *

“F/N, what are you doing?!” Armin nearly screeches, his periwinkle blue eyes widening in horror. 

You draw back the bolt of your gun, allowing another bullet to slide into its warm chamber. Aiming it directly in between Armin’s eyes, your posture remains apathetic as you place your finger on the trigger once more.

“That was a courtesy shot,” you say coldly. “Get the fuck in the cell.”

Armin clutches his bleeding shoulder as he throws you the angriest expression you have ever received from your old friend. Vapors rise from his deep wound as the shifter's body instinctively heals itself. But even his titan hybrid body won't survive your next shot should you choose to use it. 

He knew it was best for him to follow your orders.

There wasn’t nearly as much hesitation as the remaining Scouts dejectedly trudge into their cages. You watch Floch restrain your comrades up tightly with rope. Almost with glee in his cold, frightening eyes.

He and a few other ex-Scouts handle the remaining loyal soldiers harshly in the bleak, damp dungeon. Ironic that the jail cells designed to hold traitors and war criminals are being used against them.

Connie expels a colorful arrangement of curses, including new ones you have yet to have the privilege of hearing. Guess he was saving them for something truly heinous. You hear your former Captain snarl, and you know it must hurt Levi knowing one of his favorite soldiers turned on them. Probably makes him regret having favorites. 

You’ve learned to ignore their pleas and avoid their eyesight. You don’t need to be reminded of how they see you. 

“Don’t tell us you’re joining the Yeagarists,” Jean spits out that name in disgust, curling his lips into a near feral grimace. Even from behind locked bars, his presence is still menacing. 

You stare at him wordlessly as you take another drag of your cigarette. It may be the only thing keeping your nerves together at the moment.

“Shame you don’t know what side of history you should be on,” you offer instead. You exhale your smoke away from his livid face, deciding he didn't need it tarnished any further.

Yelena smirks at you as she nearly snickers, “Excellently said, F/N.” She plucks your burning cigarette out of your mouth and into hers, taking a long, deep drag.

You frown distastefully at the intimidating loyalist. Earning her approval wasn’t a compliment in your book. You weren’t thrilled to see Eren spend so much time working so closely with her. But better him than you. Even standing near her for this long made your skin crawl. Those Marleyan Eldians are something else. 

It doesn’t take long to strip the military base of their weapons and all of their defenses. You’re also quickly able to identify who consumed Zeke’s laced wine and who didn’t. The faces of these once powerful soldiers and officials inevitably become racked with anxiety once they realize they’ve become ticking time bombs, waiting to be altered into mindless, pure titans. 

Arming yourself with several new rounds of ammunition, you tune out Floch’s arrogant words that usually worship Eren as you shift your weapons into a more comfortable rotation.

You feel a dull headache start to throb as you recognize you have once again renegotiated your moral grounds with yourself. 

First, you promised you wouldn’t kill another human being. That clearly went broken when the Interior Police threatened your lives. Then, you promised you would always respect the military authority. But that couldn’t stand, as the Scouts had to retake their good name and put Queen Historia in her rightful reign. Afterwards, you promised you wouldn’t break your loyalty to the Scouts, as you were all in this together. You wouldn’t betray your comrades and closest friends. 

Yet, here you are. 

The tugging of your compass back and forth rattles your framework and a few seeds of doubt penetrate your usually unflappable demeanor. 

You shake your head as you fully load your preferred handgun. 

No. This is the only way. 

The societies beyond Paradis will never see you Eldians as human. 

Eren has a plan. You don’t know exactly what it is yet, but you trust his judgement.

* * *

You had vowed to yourself that you would live your life without regrets. The world is too cruel to allow you extra chances if you hesitate.

You were never one to deeply question your actions. You accepted that your morality is subjective, and tackling life through that perspective allowed you to rebel against Paradis and their government.

To rebel against your comrades and closest friends.

Because you were fully invested in the larger fight, even if it would cost insurmountable damage that would require extraordinary restoration.

Even when Eren started slipping into a person you nearly didn’t recognize anymore.

You still believed him.

Believed in his vision.

However, as you stand perched above his enormous Founding Titan form, watching the masses of people below, being stomped through like ants, you’re horrified to discover the beginnings of a crack in your steely belief system.

The thing about cracks is, once they appear, they get bigger and bigger unless you stop them. And you haven’t been able to mend the fractures as they continue to expose the faults in your reasoning. 

How did you get to the point where you supported a global cleansing? There was once a time when you trembled like a newborn fawn, holding the standard rifle that they taught you in your cadet days. Even when you were appraised as technically skilled with shot deliverance, you still faltered when you needed to save your teammate’s life.

Your hesitation cost him his life during an ambush with the Interior Police. You promised yourself that you would never let the enemy win like that again.

Now look at you. 

What kind of soldier have you become?

You bite your cheek, suckling at your teeth as you watch people hurl themselves off impossibly steep cliffs below as refuge. They would rather welcome death on their own accord than be taken by the merciless, hideous army of colossal wall titans. 

The guilt has been weighing on you for days, all throughout your travel across the globe. It barbarically tossed and turned your stomach as you lived with the relentless grip of this new reality. 

While the Yeagarists were back on Paradis, defending Eren’s trajectory from what remains of the island's military operations, Eren explicitly requested that you stay with him.

He wanted you here, right by his side.

His willing accomplice. 

And you had said yes.

Watching the sight below you continue to unfold only churns your stomach.

You feel the overwhelming urge to vomit.

You place a hand on one of Eren’s enormous bones that sticks out of his ungodly large titan. The other slips onto your left hip as your stomach pumps itself over and over again. What little contents lived in your belly forces itself back up, coating your mouth of the sour taste of its acid. Groaning, you wipe the back of your hand across your mouth before carelessly swiping the tainted saliva against your pants. 

As you watch the chunks sail below, you wish your remaining thoughts went with it. 

Nearby, Eren’s co-conspirer Zeke watches the show of emotions fly across your face. You weren’t making any effort to hide them. 

“You made the right choice,” the older brother says, turning his gigantum, lanky form towards you, “Eldia will be saved.”

He gazes almost longingly at the trampled cities below, his dull beady titan eyes growing impossibly more dull. 

“It was the only way.” 

Was it though? You didn’t have the courage to speak those thoughts out loud.

You hear a low, roaring flutter in the far distance behind you. You sigh as a hunch riddles your body with even more tension. 

Turning around, you proved your suspicions correct. A massive airship trails behind you, a tiny speck in the sky that’s otherwise unoccupied. The Scouts are gaining on you. It must have been hell for them to catch up at this rate.

Peering over at Zeke, you see he is preparing himself for battle. You suppose you have to do the same. You stare down at the back of Eren’s gargantuan head that resembles more of a skull. You wonder if you should explicitly ask him for the order.

You don’t have to as his voice soon enters your head.

“F/N, it’s up to you whether you want to continue following me,” Eren’s voice echoes. “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Widening your eyes, you stare at him with confusion sprawled along your features. Even though he can’t see it, you know he can envision how you look. 

“What matters to me is your ability to make your own choices.”

That’s what all these sacrifices and decisions are meant to lead up to. Your own agency, unobstructed by anyone else.

Including the titan-bearer himself. 

With each passing second, the threatening blimp draws closer, catching up quickly to Eren’s slow but relentless army. They’re so close, you can make out the outline of the person steering the craft. Soon, the battle blimp opens a ramp from its bottom hatch, releasing your former comrades.

As the familiar figures draw near, you watch as their faces distort, practically begging you not to oppose them. You rip your pained eye contact away. Their telling gazes are too harsh.

You hear the Scouts draw their weapons, ready to attack you should you choose not to align with their interests. For a brief moment, you wonder if it’s too late to repent your sins and join their resistance instead.

Gripping the hilt of your resolvers, you take a deep breath before closing your eyes, momentarily shielding yourself from the attackers.

No.

You’ve made your decision long ago. 

Eren has never forced you to follow his actions.

You took every step that led you to this exact moment _willingly_. 

Opening your eyes, you rest a dull expression on the man’s titan you’re standing on top of. 

“Eren, I’m here with you,” you promise one final time. 

Unsheathing your weapons, you brace yourself as you prepare to defend Eren and his vision for a new world. 

What more do you have to lose?

Hurling yourself at the threatening forces, you resist their attacks and choose to fight.

You fight with every fiber of your being and last will. 

Until you have nothing left to give.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I am SO drawn to Eren’s character development and how utterly tragic it is right now?? Ugh my heart. I really wanted to toy with the idea of Reader being a Yeagerist but couldn't find a happy ending and thought this would be better suited.
> 
> Also, I chose to write Zeke here for easier dialogue, even though he's not in the canon.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


End file.
